Here I Stand

I am very blessed to have a family that - through the years of turbulence - have continued to support me and stand by me. I have made a lot of poor choices and suffered many tragic consequences, yet here I stand today as a testiment to what having a loving and supporting family can do to assist in one's healing. However, despite being as lucky as I am to have them, I often find myself skeptical of the support they offer as an alliance for those seeking equal rights. Now before you guys blow off your handles - I want to clarify what I mean! My brothers, through the years, have grown to become tremendous supporters of the civil rights movement (not to be confused with THE Civil Rights Movement) for equality in the protection of gays' rights to marry. However, I often wonder just how far are they truly willing to fight for equal protection beyond the marriage equality fight?




Now, for those who follow my brother's blog (onenightinbraziel.blogspot.com), you will see that he is a person who is very passionate about the things in which he feels are injustices to the underrepresented and overtly discriminated populations of the world. He has love in his heart for the poor, the gay, the sick, the undereducated - the list could go on. In his most recent blog, he discusses some of the similarities between the gay movement for equality and the African American struggle for equality. And while I agree that there are some similarities, I believe that the fight for equality goes far beyond just believing that gays have the same rights as heterosexuals in terms of marriage.

For those gayelles and lezbots out there who have seen If These Could Walk 2, the first story about the elderly couple will ring in your mind as a prime example of the inequalities that gays will still have to fight for AFTER gay marriage is legalized. For you straighties (and you gays) who haven't seen it, the first story is about an elderly gay couple living in the 1930s where tolerance wasn't even a word that was whispered in the majority population's vocabulary. Needless to say, when one of the partners dies, the surviving lover is faced wtih the decision to out herself and risk tainting the memory of her beloved, or act like her "friend" (or in today's world, "the roommate") just to try to hang on to the little pieces of memory her surviving nephew will allow a "friend" to have. One pivotal scene (well the one that hit me the most) is when the surviving partner is at the hospital trying to see her dying partner and the nurses refuse to let her go back because "only family is permitted in the back". So, while the rest of her straight counterparts are able to be by their partners' sides and hold them as they pass on, all she can do is sit and pray that by the grace of a Higher Power she will be granted one last opportunity to say goodbye.

Now the purpose of this story is to say that the issue of gay marriage isn't so much an issue of legality but an issue of morality (duh!) No but really, while I applaud those people like my brother who are willing to openly say that they are advocates for gay marriage, I also know that it is easier to be an advocate for something when you see that it will have no personal affect on your life. However - similar to the fight for immigration -people can believe that Mexican immigrants in America should be afforded the same rights while they are in America as those natural-born citizens, but the minute their plight starts to interfere with your life, it becomes a completely different story. With gay marriage, there are many positives that can be added to the human experience by making it legalized. By legalizing gay marriage - should gay adoption be one day legalized - more children will be able to find a loving home with two loving parents.

Also, many cities struggling as a result of this horrendous economy will see a larger tourist population (no, not like a gay Vegas) which means more resources for local government. Legalizing gay marriage will mean that our national government will be forced to focus more on real issues, like improving our education system, reforming our prisor systems, and ending the capitalist greed that has taken over our economy.

On the contrary, I pose this question to my brother and anyone else who cares to think about it: now, while I believe there is a stark difference between THE Civil Rights Movement and this civil rights movement (notice the difference), would an affirmative action program for gays be accepted once it becomes essentially legal to love? Think about it, the Army currently has the infamous "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in force, not allowing gay soldiers to serve openly. Let's say that after gay marriage is legalized, Don't Ask, Don't Tell is considered unconstitutional and gays are suddenly allowed to serve openly. But when it comes time to recruit, recruiters are told that recruitment for gays needs to be equal or close to equal to the recruitment of gays. Nowwould you be as accepting if you had a soldier who, by army standards, is an average recruit, and he just so happens to be one of those "we're here, we're queer" over-the-top robo-gays. You have worked hard for the past six months getting your body in excellent shape so you can be an excellent soldier for your country. But when the army chooses the "fairy" (derogatory term used for the sake of being a point of reference) over you, would you have the same stance? Or what if this same person - but a butch, rainbow-flag-swirling woman was hired over conserative, blue-suit-wearing Jim. Would Jim, who is regularly an advocate of gay equality, still be pro-gay rights? Maybe the point of this argument is to say Affirmative Action is ineffective and discriminatory in its own right, but I think my point is to say that I am happy that gays have so many people who see that discrimination of any kind is wrong. but I challenge those who say they believe in equality to think, would you still be for equality if it meant imposing on your standard of life?

Additionally, my brother stated that "while he does not approve of it (which I interpreted as gay relationships or gay marriage) he believes that Christians have no right to impose these beliefs on others. I completely agree that there needs to be a separation of church and state, however I find that by viewing being gay as a "choice" or "inheritance" that is unworthy of approval is almost as damneding as saying gay marriage should be criminalized. I normally try not to compare the black struggle vs the gay struggle because I feel that this movement is being fought by an entirely different generation that doesn't have the same work ethic or will as past generations and the gravity of the Civil Rights Movement is slightly more urgent; However, I find that one similarity between the two is that regardless of being black or an open gay, you often find yourself fighting to not be known by that trait. Blacks despise being known as "that black guy" or, when someone has to describe you, the first thing that is mentioned is you're "black". But when you're openly gay or when you appearance somehow exudes a stereotypical appearance of gayness, the first trait by which you will be known and will be your most memorable characteristic is you are gay. Blacks continue to fight the double standard of proving that they are equal to their straight counterparts. They have to work twice as hard, make twice as much, and even assimiliate to society's views of acceptability to be perceived as a non-threatening member of society. Once you are outed, you too have to prove that you are just as good as straight. You have to try to not "flaunt" it and become more modest than you care to be. Holding hands in public is still a huge taboo, and there are even still laws against sodomy. So by saying you disapprove, it's like saying "I think you deserve to have the same marriage rights as straight people, but when you get married please don't kiss when the pastor says 'you may now kiss your bride" or "yes we're equal, but don't get married in church because it's against our principles". You can't truly express tolerance without acceptance, and I'm a firm believer that even though gay marriage will eventually be legalized, I still feel that the stigma will still be there.



As a woman in a very happy and loving gay relationship, I don't want to be known for my sexuality, but for the aspects of my personality that make me unique. The fight for gay marriage isn't so much a fight for equality, but it's a part of larger fight within society as a whole to learn to truly accept others as human beings rather than the labels they may carry. As my brother wisely said, "regardless of religious belief, and in my belief, even more so because of our religious beliefs, we must love and accept these people as children of God, because we're ALL his children." If we as a society would stop looking for the next group to demonize and instead look at each of our individual differences as pieces to the larger global puzzle, we would learn to operate as selfless individuals constantly looking for a way to be a better citizen to our neighbors and our World.


And as Tupac says,
ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME!